Friday, June 10, 2011

The Fight and the Magic of Superglue

Disclaimer: I am not a nurse, and any rememdies you read here are not necessarily recommended by the medical community, but I wouldn't have changed a thing.

Near the end of Jordan's first semester in high-school, I received a call from my good friend, Dean Diane, at the school.  I didn't have the choice of ignoring the call and hoping Dean Diane would try Jason's cell-phone because Jason was out of town.  I seems like Jason is out of town for a LOT of these incidents... Do the incidents happen because Jason is gone, or does Jason conveniently leave when he senses something brewing???  Hmmm...something to ponder.

Dean Diane didn't waste time on pleasantries when she opened with, "You need to come pick Jordan up.  He's been in a fight, and he needs stiches."  I blew air through my bangs and contemplated whether or not I wanted the story right then or whether I wanted to just go get Jordan and wring his neck.

I arrived at the school some twenty minutes later to find Jordan slumped in a chair with a giant gash above his right eye.  To his credit, according to Jordan's teacher, Jordan didn't punch the other kid.  This, I knew, was nothing to celebrate, because I knew that whatever Jordan had done to deserve getting punched, it was probably way worse than punching the kid back.

To make a long story less long, Jordan bugged the other kid by spraying him with white-board cleaner.  When the other kid told Jordan to knock it off, Jordan translated it to something like, "How funny.  I like getting sprayed.  Do it again."  When Jordan didn't quit, the other kid spit on Jordan, which Jordan considered an unpardonable sin and way beyond punishment for drenching the kid in white-board cleaner. 

So, Jordan spit back.

And got punched.

The other kid got suspended, and I felt sorry for him.  Jordan got to go sit in the nurses office and get pitied by passersby who didn't know better.

Unfortunately for Jordan, it was late enough in the afternoon that our doctors office was closing and didn't have time to stitch him up.  I wasn't about to spend whatever it would cost to take Jordan to Quick-Care, much less the emergency room, so I did the next best thing.

I took him home and shaved his eyebrow.

I know I didn't need to shave his eyebrow, but I convinced him I did in order to keep the area sanitary for the next step, which was Superglue.  I remembered the time Jordan split his lip open on the trampoline spring, and the doctor used superglue instead of stitches to put it back together.  What I didn't know was, it was "medical grade" superglue.  Oops.

My hope was the shame of a shaved eyebrow would be a little reminder to Jordan.  Fortunately, I didn't cause any damage by using regular Superglue, but I did save a boatload of money.

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